This post is also as a tribute to my Daddy in Heaven in whom I live and move and have my being. I know I haven't really been exemplifying You lately, and I'm really sorry. I keep promising to do better but I keep failing. It really is true that life is a war of sorts, against my baser instincts, against my selfishness, against the darkness present in me. Everyday is a new battle to withstand temptation, to withstand sin. Somedays I win, somedays I lose. But through it all, I'm learning to trust in You to fight my battles for me, because I do not have enough strength alone.
There are times when I feel like I'm not good enough, when I'm not worthy of living, of being on this earth, that I have failed so miserably that I don't deserve a second chance. But I'm always reminded by Your Word, telling me that You love me and that you are satisfied with me, because You created me exactly the way You wanted me. Lord, never let me forget that. As the saying goes, God makes no trash. Or as C.S. Lewis so elegantly put it: If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself.
Sometimes I think I'm so good, I exalt myself in my own ways, letting my pride bloom. I realize this is dangerous but I relish the feeling of being good or, dare I say it, excellent. Then again, I'm always taken down a few pegs eventually, it is God's grace that He never lets me fall so hard that I cannot get back up again. A testimony to this was on Thursday, when I had my 40-minute Psychology presentation. Our class started at 2, and at 230, we were still working on our slides and the group report wasn't even printed yet. My entire group was positive that we were dead, the first group was already presenting and our lecturer isn't exactly the compassionate type. I personally was terrified, I didn't want to let my parents down. I prayed. Amazingly, when we finally did go in, we not only allowed to present, we also didn't receive the bombing we were positive we would get. Praise the Lord! I know this isn't a very good testimony but praise the Lord anyway, He knew exactly how much to give. Another lesson to me that I should not procrastinate either I guess. Keep teaching me, Lord, till I learn that lesson. Thank you.
I end with three quote from C.S. Lewis that I find really meaningful.
"'You come of the Lord Adam and the Lady Eve,' said Aslan. 'And that is both honour enough to erect the head of the poorest beggar, and shame enough to bow the shoulders of the greatest emperor in earth.'"
--Prince Caspian
"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it."
--The World's Last Night
"Atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning..."
--Mere Christianity
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